I decided to commit suicide...on Facebook that is

A few Sundays ago I was relaxing and decided to check in on Facebook. I hadn't been on there in a while and FB even sent me an email saying as much and begging me to come back. Slightly cultish but I figured "Sure, I'll check in."

Well, it was a combination of things that I saw in my newsfeed that basically set me off. Some idiot posted pictures of his cars "past and present". Um, why? Others have albums upon albums of baby pictures. Can we just acknowledge already that everyone's baby is cute already? For the love of God! Make it stop! I deduced that FB has basically become an internet way to play "Keep up with the Joneses". I stated as much in my status update. One of my "friends" told me to "settle down". Any friend of mine would never say this to me. While some are content to live their lives in the shade, this has never been enough for me. I kick up dirt wherever and whenever I can. Choke on it.

I'm truly amazed at how many folks post pictures of their small children for their hundreds of friends. How well do you know this horde of folks? How do you know someone in their household isn't right-clicking on those pics and saving it to their hard drive for less than decent purposes? People need to think. Furthermore, those pics, since they are posted on FB, become the property of FB. It says so right in their terms of use.

We are all liars to a certain extent on this thing. I'm lying because I pretend that I actually like you.
I probably don't. You're lying because you are presenting the best sides of your life: the good times, that happy Christmas, the days where everyone gets along. They're no status updates about your dysfunctional family, your spouse who doesn't appreciate you, or the fact that all the bills aren't getting paid. FB allows us all to have these false personas. We can be who we want to be on there. And everyone is absolutely FUCKING PERFECT.

Enough I said. I have spent the past two weeks systematically destroying my account. I've taken down photos, videos, and concocted crazy status updates. So far I have rolled my truck, it blew up, and gotten my teeth knocked out after falling off a stripper pole. None of which has happened, of course. I post false pictures of my "accidents". I realized that there are limitless possibilities with this....the story can go anywhere and believe me, it will. The point being, who's shoulder do you cry on when the going gets rough? A FB "friend" or a real person that you have real interactions with on a consistent basis?

I saw a wonderful documentary last night called "
Catfish". It is a must see for anyone doing social networking. Get it on DVD ASAP. This young NY photographer befriends a family in Michigan online. He corresponds with the mom, the half-sister, and the youngest daughter who is creating artwork based on his photos. They build a rapport but it is truly shocking what he discovers when he shows up on their Michigan doorstep. I had to watch it twice.

If you want to have friends then have real freakin' friends that know the good, the bad, and the ugly. I, for one, don't need to create a false version of myself to acquire internet "friends" that I don't really know all that well and could be just as fake as a $3 bill in their own right. And let's not forget...friendship is not easy. It takes work, compromise, and time. It doesn't happen by clicking a little blue button that says, "Add Friend".

I plan to hit "delete" on it all but not before I have a little fun.